2002-04-25: Sunny days

(More sorting out - and I found a new cache of stuff so will see what is worth typing up).

Balmy days
In summer haze

I love you

In so many

Different ways

Through hell

And high water

We do things

We never ought to

In the name of passion

And in the middle of the night
When you're not there

To hold me tight

To make it right

I remember those sunny days

Lies (2016)

 The lies fell from your lips

Like fruit from a tree

On a breezy day,

To fester and rot on the floor.

And I just stood

Waiting for more,

My eyes on the fruit

Still on the tree.

But that fruit

Was never meant for me.

(I don't have a date for this one - I just found it in some paperwork I was sorting out. However it was written on a hotel invoice from summer 2016 so probably around then).

2023-06-01: Untouchable

 

Somehow I’ve become

Untouchable

Aloof

Invisible

 

When all I want

Is to be seen

Heard

Felt

I don't want this to be

All I can say

All I can be

All that there is

©cvb

Come with me

 I was decluttering and came across this in a mostly unused notebook. The only date it has is 3rd March....
I confess I tweaked the last verse, and I wonder whether it really needs something else as well. I might return to this one at some stage.

Take it slowly
There's no rush
I want to savour
Every touch
I'll wait for you
To come to me

Come to me, my lover,
In the darkest hour of night.
I will hold you close

Until we find the light.

Come to me, my love,

In dawn's early light.

I will stay there with you

Until we make it right.

Come to me, my love,

When the sun is high above

And lie down beside me

Until we find the love

2004-03-01: Travelling

 (from the same notebook as "remembering")

I seem to spend

a lot of time

travelling

here and there

always with destinations

but never quite arriving

2004-04-18: Remembering

I just found this in a notebook, across two pages, I'm in two minds whether the pages are connected or not, or whether this is two pieces on a similar theme, both of which need more work 🤔 

part/page 1:

Is it really better 

to have loved & lost 

rather than not knowing 

what I miss ?

To remember his touch,

his voice, his kiss,

How he said my name.

Would ignorance of that be bliss ?

To know each day

that I can not recover

the smallest part 

of what we had together

Is that really better

than never having felt that way ?

part/page 2:

Sometimes I wish

I could take you from my heart

and purge myself of you,

from each and every part.

To take each thought

and rip it from my mind,

erase you, move on,

and never look behind.

But you're a part of me

wherever you may be,

every fibre of me remembers you,

I shut my eyes and you are there.

2016-01-01: Dare to dream v2

For a while
I dared to dream
That you were what
You seemed to be

But I knew
It would always end
With me the fool
And you the Joker

2016-11-23: Run

I know why you run
You're running from what you've become
A liar and a cheat
And, what's more, a thief

You stole my heart
You took my life
Turned it upside down
And then ran

I know what you're running from
From all those things you've done
And want to forget
No time for regret

I know why you run
You run from reality
But you can never run
Far or fast enough

Always moving on
Never looking back
You'll never find what you need
If you never stop

[Notes: this one was actually mostly there for some but just got some last tweaks in November.]

2016-01-20: Second Chances

I'm not averse 

To second chances

Breathing new life 

Into old romances 

But not at the cost

Of repeating mistakes

That open old wounds

and make my heart ache

2016-04-21: One and only

You said I was

Your One and Only

Always and forever

Growing old together.

You said I was

The one you wanted

Cared for, cherished, 

Chose to be with.

You said you would be

Open, honest,

And be there

When I needed you.

You said we should

Put the past behind us

Build a life, a future.

I believed you.

If that's all true

I have to wonder

Why you're not here,

Not now, not ever.

2016-01-01: Dare to dream

For a while I dared to dream

But the dream you made for me

You also broke.

And I awoke inside

A shattered mirror

Reflecting only my lost hope.

2015-02-24: Don't Call Me

Don't call me baby
I am not your child,
I have my own life,
I have my own mind.

Don’t call me duck
Or bird, or hen
Wherever you come from
I’m no feathered friend.

I have a name
So use it
And if you can’t
Don’t call me

2006-12-13: Traveller

Sat on a train

going nowhere.

Sounds like the story

of my life.

A perpetual traveller

who never quite arrives.

[I've been kicking myself for not writing about anything other than emotions (seriously, how old I am ? And me with a Significant Milestone Birthday now less than a year away !). In addition I've been struggling to find time to work on or finish the fragments I do have. So I took a notebook along when I knew I might be sitting in a waiting room for some time. And came across this from 2006.....]

2015-02-01: Unfinished business

"Why didn't we...." 

You ask in a drunken call

I didn't hear regret

Just curiosity.

I don't remember

The question

Being asked,

Or anyone saying no.

Why didn't we

Ever steal a kiss

When we had

Too much to drink.

Why didn't we

Run naked into the sea

Just you and me

Against the world.

Why didn't we

Fall laughing into bed

And get to know each other

In an entirely different way.

Do we have unfinished business,

you and I ?

Or did the opportunity

Simply pass by.

And in hindsight

Is it simply that

The memory of maybe

Is sweeter than regret

[So this one has been in progress for a while, and recent things in my life have meant I haven't had the time to work on it. But the gap has also helped me rethink it slightly so I'm hoping it works in it's current form. It is based on a number of different events and conversations, some of which did involve me, and others I simply observed]

30/12/24: just found some of the notes for this one, and I'm not sure why I didn't include the following verse before the "do we have...." verse.

Why didn't we

Lay back in the long grass

When the sun wasn't the only thing
Getting hot

1989-10-16: Changeling

In my dream

I am everything you want me to be,
And somehow that seems right,
To not be fettered by reality
But instead be the figment
Of someone else's imagination.

And I, some kind of changeling,
Chained to solid earth
By feet and heart of stone,
Am liberated to unseen heights
By the transforming power
That fantasy can hold.

And yet how can it be
That I do this not for myself
But for some other who has yet to come
And thus in every moment
Within the dream
I live a lie.

2014-Oct and 1986-02-11: Abstract time

In the archive is a poem that starts "Time is an abstract conception of the mind" (which I will post further down). When I read it now, it reads like I am trying to be clever.... and not quite managing it. But the phrase stuck - so here is mark 2....

Time is an abstract

Concept of the mind.

It marks the passing

Of our lives

With sands of grain,

With cogs and gears,

Each second, minute,

Day, month, year.

Onwards it flows

In one direction

No chance to stop,

Pause for reflection.

And before you know it

Time has flown

I find myself 

Nowhere, alone.

Ahead the future

I can't see,

Behind the past

That's closed to me.

The path ahead

Unknown, uncertain.

Each step I take

A choice unspoken.

[And here is the mark one version:

Time is an abstract

Conception of the mind

Sequencing the motion

Of all human kind.

But break away,

Listen to the off-beat,

Hear the hidden tempo,

Touch the living pulse.

Dancing for your freedom,

Let no one make you stop.

'Til the multi-coloured 

Strands of noise

Swirl in chaos

Before your eyes.                                             ]

2014 Sept: And then

And then...he touched me.

Unpeeling my clothes

Like I was the perfect present,

Covering my body

In a blanket of kisses,

Exploring my body

Like it was a foreign country,

Taking me on a rollercoaster

Of sensation,

Teasing my senses

With each new surprise.

2014-Aug: Try

I try to fly

But my wings are bound.

I try to cry out

But I can't make a sound.

I try to swim

But I'm sinking fast.

I try to see

But the darkness falls fast.

1988-02-27: Hilltop

Standing on a hilltop
I watch the world
In quiet isolation,
While in the distance
Scurrying ants
Frantic to get from A to B
And back again.
Amid the desolation
The soothing emptiness
Mutes the sound of civilisation
To a quiet buzz.
I sit on my hilltop,
Knees hugged tight,
And see the day run
Like sand through an hour-glass,
Until it's time to turn,
So in the amber twilight
I walk down my hill
And rejoin humanity.

2010-11-19: Absent

I feel
Ripped apart,
No heart
Left within.
My get-up-and-go
Got up and went.
Not so much empty
As absent.

[I was in two minds whether to post this as it seems a bit like a fragment rather than a finished poem. But I think extending it might dilute it so here it is]